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Craving was always mine, since it was so willed by the Guru.
Charm - it was always Yogi Ramsuratkumar, call Him by any name
you like - Beggar, Dirty-Sinner, Mad-man, God-child. Looking at
Him is CHARM - you cannot take away your eyes of HIM, unless on
His volition; His piercing powerful eyes, makes you bow down involuntarily
due to its extraordinary potency. CHARM yes, look at any picture
of His-are you not engulfed in thrill immeasurable, with that
rich feast for the eyes, of that "POOR BEGGAR". No two
pictures have even specks of similarity - I should have seen and
immersed myself in several hundreds of photographs of His - even
the best actor cannot portray such multitude of expressions which
the Master of Masters, the creator of all, any and everything,
could alone exhibit and fascinate. Whether you look at Him, in
his physical body, a sketch or picture or you do not look at Him
at all, either way, you are still CHARMED, by the very thought
of Him and the mind, this time you have to mind about that mind,
for it effectively attempts irrespective of the results to screen
the thought waves of the Rupa-Arupa, all pervading entity, that
Father, who alone exists, nothing else, nobody else. Father andSon
merged - the Universal Father RAMSURATKUMAR ALONE, is all pervading,
here, there, everywhere.
BLISS is that which, He alone can give either after the first
two stages or at any time without any barrier, for He is the "Doer,
Does and Done".
After my first darshan in 1989, though Bhagawan became relevant,
there was neither fascination nor disinclination towards Him.
It was He who broke the barrier and bade me, through some friends
to preside over a function at Chennai, the topic for pondering
being "Divine Sources for human Resource Development".
When I told those friends, that I do not have any idea about this
Swami, or possessed any detail about Him, to speak, they offered
help and added, that it was a boon to be selected by a Saint of
a very high order, to chair an important function in the metropolis.
Though those words were attractive, they did not have any special
impact . However I agreed because there was no disinclination.
That day in Chennai was a turning point - may I say, the first
thought wave clutch, which made me turn in the direction of Tiruvannamalai.
When my brother Dr.T.S.Ramanathan and I were seated in the audience,
before I was called to go up the stage, both of us noticed a huge
picture of this Swami holding a coconut shell, palmyrah fan and
a stick with the Arunachala Hill in the background. As we were
watching the portrait, I could feel the person in the picture
coming alive, his whole body moving - so physically activated,
that I was at once stunned and frightened. My brother spontaneously
nudged me to narrate the same or similar "live experience".
I spoke and so, so many others. The craving commenced, that this
person in the picture has something special - may be positive
or negative - but He had to be met very soon, to satiate that
burning desire. That meeting did take place two days later, when
my brother and I alone were closeted inside the Sannadhi Street
house, with the Swami.
Swami collected from us all details about the Chennai meeting.
To drive away my thought foments which had grappled me after my
first darshan, "if this Swami was real or fake - appeared
real due to extraordinary radiance and powerful eyes but did give
rise to the opposite view, by His not looking as one imagines
a Saint and His careless freedom as a chain smoker". Swami
who had obviously read my mind exclaimed "Just as a Guru
has a right to test before accepting a disciple, a disciple too
has the liberty to test fully before accepting a Guru". Surprised
happiness was the outcome, since the blot in my mind, stood removed.
I was not even dreaming of any Guru, much less Guru-Sishya relationship
at that point of time, but true to the saying that "Coming
events cast their shadows before", Swami laid the foundation,
to annexe me, little by little, bit by bit to His Spiritual Kingdom.
Many instances brewed later because He so ordained and everyone
of them were purposely brought into existence by Him to talk to
me periodically for hours and take me slowly away from the mundane
life and din in my thoughts, the need for participating in Father's
work with love and dedication. As and when He makes it feasible,
I will attempt to write about those unforgettable experiences,
which stand glued in my memory, made ever green by Him. The Sparisa
diksha (Blessing by Touch) was predominant, lasting and continuous,
almost till Swami was hospitalised and thereafter in a lesser
measure - duration and continuance - wise but greater effective
for on those occasions, I could realise power punches.
The concern Swami had for me - must be true for every devotee
- was exceptional, as I realise today and not at those times.
Heavy and torrential rains lashed Tamilnadu, years ago and the
roads were so water-logged that car-travel from Chennai to Tiruvannamalai
was impossible. My craving, to have darshan of Swami then, was
so saturated, that satiation could emerge only after meeting Him.
My efforts to put down my craving failed. On the contrary the
craving multiplied in leaps and bounds. Ultimately I travelled
by bus, accompanied by Sri Sakthivel. Throughout the travel, the
rains did not abate and we felt that we were on a boat ride rather
than a road travel. We reached our destination a little late but
not out of time, for evening darshan of Swami, in the Ashram campus.
As was usual, Bhagawan had me seated next to Him and His hand
either clutched mine or was placed on my lap. When He decided
to smoke He will with an infections smile take my hand and keep
it on his lap. Every part of my body, the head, the neck, the
forehead, the shoulders, back, the chest, the abdomen, the hands,
legs and the feet plus toes have had the beneficent and gracious
touch, of the Master, wholly for my good. Suddenly Swami asked
me "How did you come?". I said by bus. I could visualise
His anger and before any utterance could leave my lips, He almost
shouted "Father does not want Justice Arunachalam to travel
by bus". I replied "Sorry Bhagawan, I will not commit
that blunder again". His waning anger shot the next question,
"When you want to leave to- morrow how will you go"?
I responded "As Swami wills - I am certain that I will not
take a bus". Before I could finish, the next query burst
out "By which car will you travel"?. "If you cannot
arrange it yourself this Beggar will arrange for you". Embarrassed
with distress of having troubled Swami, due to my indiscretion,
I told Him "Some friends regularly come by car every Sunday
for your darshan. If you permit, I will travel with them'. There
was a full stop, on this topic for the day.
The next morning those friends did not arrive as usual at 10.30
A.M. Swamiji was periodically asking me, "If they had come"
and every time my suspensed response was in the negative. I beamed
when they arrived at 11.15 A.M. and promptly informed Bhagawan,
whose neighbour I was, as usual. The visibly happy Swami called
those friends near Him and addressed us generally "How long
do you know each other". The almost joint response was that
we knew each other casually for a couple of months and recently
we came a little closer due to help rendered by them, to get ready
and paint 2 big boards for the Ashram. Bhagawan exclaiming "Is
it"! enquired them, if they had accommodation in their car
to take me. When they said 'yes' He confronted them with more
interrogations such as how may of you travelled from Madras in
this car; what is the seating capacity of the car; do you have
a comfortable seating accommodation for Justice Arunachalam; etc.
Being satisfied on their answers, He told them with authority
"that they had to drop me first at my residence and that
they cannot get down first and send me off, with their driver."
They willingly agreed and the PROTECTOR SWAMI had in His own inimitable
manner of functioning, had me landed at Madras, the way He wanted
it. There is a cause for every action of Bhagawan, which we may
understand sometimes much later or never understand at all. WHY
should we understand for it is He who gives the Craving, Charm
and Bliss. Every time I spent with Him I was in BLISS.
Such instances are in scores. However He spontaneously granted
a very FEW BOONS, making me demand them. Let us see, if we can
share them, sometime.
Pranams at Bhagawan's Lotus feet.